I can just read the headlines now...
"Judge Sonia Goodwife Sotomayor shows empathy toward adolescent minorities and sentences greedy land owners to death"
Village of Salem, Mass, 1693
by Ed Itor
The respected Parris family and daughter Betty, age 9, as well as Abigail Williams, age 11, were found innocent today by magistrate judge Sonia Goodwife Sotomayor, a respected member of Goodman Cottbama Mather's Governing Council, who showed unprescedented empathy toward the pair of underage minorities. Her ruling, which the local community leaders and town crier reports praised for its sympathic stance toward the poor girls and their families, was carried out on Wednesday last, all accused being hanged by the neck until dead. Giles Cory, an especially greedy landowner who refused to admit to his crimes, being crushed.
Martha Corey had voiced skepticism about the credibility of the girls' accusations, drawing attention to herself, but a recent town crier showed her to be a right wing zealot, being a covenanted member of the Church in Salem Village. She too is being tried for complicity.
Abigail Faulkner Sr. was pregnant and given a temporary reprieve, although town criers close to Goodwife Sotomayor report that Abigail's reprieve became a stay of charges, when the courts realized that sentencing Abigail to death would also kill her unborn child, which had committed no crime. The court having to remind itself that this was infact 1692 and not the 21st century.
Dangerous right wing pampheleteers have urged caution about the use of testimony from the afflicted and the confessors, stating, "whatever comes from them is to be suspected; and it is dangerous using or crediting them too far". Judge Goodwife Sotomeyer, replied that these papheleteers were white men, who could not empathize with the plights of the poor, young females. Another hanging is scheduled for this Saturday at new, March 15, 1693.
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