Wednesday, June 16, 2010

The Rest of the President's Speech

by Proof

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

The President's speech from the Oval Office, the parts I could stay awake through, were either dishonest or designed to send the country down the road to ruin (or both).
From the lie that "we're running out of places to drill on land" (cough, ANWR), to his pie in the sky notions that a nation that consumes "more than 20% of the world's oil" can be converted to some mythical green energy that will take its place without relying on oil in the meantime, defies credulity.

I did stumble across an early draft of the speech with a section he eventually excised:

"That is not to say that we will not face difficulties in the transition. Since day one, holdovers from the Bush administration in the EPA have forbidden us from burning unicorn poop to power the great turbines that fuel this mighty country. Also, representatives from PETA, that existed during the last ten years, have frustrated our attempts to harness those same unicorns for mass transit.

But, we still have one form of "green energy" that is available to us. My lovely wife, Michelle has instituted her "No Child's Fat Behind" program here in the states. She proposes to put fat children on treadmills, hooked up to generators. She assures me that fat children are a renewable resource, though we may need to end restrictions on junk food in school vending machines to do so. I am told by my friends in the NEA that this would be much simpler than say, waiving the Jones Law.

Fortunately, fat children have no radical leftist group to oppose them (once they get past Planned Parenthood) so I may proceed without fear of offending any of my ardent supporters. Further incentive will be that every treadmill will be equipped with a TV monitor that only plays "An Inconvenient Truth". If the child does not run fast enough, we will threaten to turn it on!

This is only a stop gap measure until such time as visitors from the stars bring us the technology to cure cancer, run our cars on rainbows and to slow the rise of the oceans and begin to heal the planet. (No, wait. That's my job!)

Until such time as the benevolent aliens arrive, I shall search diligently for someone's @ss to kick until after the 2012 election campaign. Thank you, and may Gaia bless all 57 of the United States of America!"

Cross posted at Proof Positive

No comments: