Friday, March 5, 2010

Beware The Pulsar Doom-Ray! Or I'd Like To Order A Pulsar Doom-Ray, Please.

"No, the Pulsar Doom-Ray will not kill you -- immediately. Ah, if only you were that fortunate! Instead, my ingenious device will instantaneously fuse shut the doors of your precious Congress and regulatory agencies. One touch of this button, and I shall bring your entire federal apparatus to a grinding halt -- leaving you to suffer week upon week of Washingtonless agony!

Imagine now, if you dare, the fate that I may choose for you: first your vaunted health care bill will die, unreconciled, leaving you with a primitive 2009-level medical system. Trillions of dollars of your life-giving fiscal stimulus will go unspent, throwing tens of your countrymen out of work. Your 'Smart Diplomacy' peace partnership initiatives will go uncommunicated, resulting in discomfort and ill ease among the international community!

And this is just the beginning. The aftershocks will be no less painful, as the soothing transmissions of your public radio will fall silent. Diversity goals will remain unmeasured. Warning labels unmandated. Entire crops and cutting-edge artist communities will go unsubsidized. Cut off from your precious heroic public servants, you will be forced to helplessly fend for yourselves in the utter chaos of a dystopian unregulated hellscape..." ~The Genius That Is Iowahawk

1 comment:

Proof said...

my ingenious device will instantaneously fuse shut the doors of your precious Congress and regulatory agencies

I thought 3" of snow could do that already!