Heh.

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

You feel guilty for being successful.

Barbara Streisand sings for you and you feel better.





REBUBLICAN

You have two cows.

Your neighbor has none.

So?





SOCIALIST

You have two cows.

The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.







COMMUNIST

You have two cows.

The government seizes both and sells the milk back to you.

You wait in line for hours.

It is expensive and sour.





AMERICAN
CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.



AMERICAN
BUREAUCRACY

You have two cows.

Under the new farm program, the government pays you to shoot one, milk the
other, then pour the milk down the drain.





AMERICAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, lease it back to yourself, and do an initial public offering on the
second one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.

You are surprised when one cow drops dead.

You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are
reducing expenses.

Your stock goes up.





FRENCH
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine.

Life is good.





JAPANESE
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty
times the milk.

They travel with other cows in unbelievably crowded herds.

Most are at the top of the class at cow school.





GERMAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk,
and run a hundred miles an hour.

They demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.





ITALIAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.

While searching of your cows, you see a beautiful woman.

You break for lunch.

Life is good.







RUSSIAN
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have some vodka.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You have some more vodka.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.





TALIBAN
CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan which is two.

You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.

You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk
production but use the money to buy weapons.





IRAQI
CORPORATION

You have two cows.

They go into hiding.

They send audio tapes of their mooing.





POLISH
CORPORATION

You have two bulls.

Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.





BELGIAN

CORPORATION


You have one cow.

The cow is schizophrenic.

Sometimes the cow thinks she is French; other times she thinks she is Flemish.

The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.

The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow’s milk.

The cow asks to be cut in half.

The cow dies happy.






FLORIDA
CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.

Everyone votes for the best looking cow.

Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for
the black one.

Some people vote for both

Some people vote for neither.

Some people can’t figure out how to vote at all.

Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the
best looking cow.





CALIFORNIA

CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.

They all make real California cheese.

Only five speak English.

Most are illegal.

Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.